Song Choice, Song Choice, Song Choice

WHAT DO Y'ALL THINK?

Mandisa: I'd love to hear her sing At Last, but I'm afraid that Idol isn't the right forum for it, as so many others have attempted it. I think that she could easily do as good a job as Etta James, so maybe she should try it.

Katharine: Katharine's got IT. In Week 1, she picked an obscure song that showcased her talents. In Week 2, well ... not so much. So, she should dispense with the ballads and sing something with some a little spunk. At some point in the future, I'd love to hear her sing Christina Aguilera's Beautiful, but I think that it would be better suited to Hot 100 week or some other theme night like that. So, I don't know why exactly, but I think that she'd do great singing something like Quarterflash's Harden My Heart. Great song, great for her range. Unexpected.

Lisa: She really needs to switch it up next week. We all know that she can do ballads and showtunes. She's 16 ... she should sing something like How Will I Know? (Whitney Houston before she went all "street"). THAT'S a song that a 16-year-old can relate to and might have some life experience to make it believable. Besides, it's fun and upbeat, but would still showcase her undeniable vocal talent.

Paris: After Week 2's tired performance of a cheesy ballad, Paris needs to remind us why we've thought she was "The One to Beat". I think that she has the talent to nail even the most difficult song, but I need to be blown away by her the way I was during her audition. Thoughts?

Kinnik: Kinnik knows that it's do or die time, so she really needs to WOW us on Tuesday. I think that her register would be great for singing something like Mary J. Blige's Sweet Thing. Something like that would not only show off her talents (which I'm sure are more impressive than what we've seen so far), but it would make her seem 'relevant to today's musical landscape' (that last bit is the most pretentious piece of donkey dung I've ever heard come out of a DJ's mouth, so I couldn't help throw it in).

Melissa: First of all, whatever she sings, I need her to wear something that doesn't scream "LOOK AT MY BELLY BUTTON!" That said, I can't quite put my finger on her style, so I haven't been able to think of anything specific for her. I like the tone of her voice, but I'm just not feelin' her (Dawg).

Ayla: Ayla also needs to free herself from the Ballad Trap. She needs to show us that she can lighten up and have some fun. She's definitely got a good voice, but she needs to squelch all of us naysayers who say she's robotic and emotionless.

Gherkin (Kellie): Please, for the love of Pete (who is this "Pete", anyway?), no more country!

Chris: I don't think it really matters what he chooses ... I think he'll be great regardless. We've seen him sing Joe Cocker, Sheryl Crow, Bon Jovi and Fuel. A pretty broad assortment, for sure. I'd love to hear him sing Sexy & 17 (Stray Cats), but I've said [in other posts] that the authorities might have a problem with that. If only he could sing "Sexy & 21" ...

Elliott: As with Chris, I'm sure Elliott's pick will be right on the money. There's no reason to think otherwise. I can't think of anything in particular that I'd like to hear, but I'm sure he won't disappoint.

Gedeon: Otis Redding's These Arms of Mine. Totally his style and I think he could sing it with feeling, even though he's so young. Try A Little Tenderness would be a great choice, as well ("Women do get woolly, 'cause of all the stress").

Taylor: I love Taylor. I'm not a card-carrying member of the "Soul Patrol", but I am SO pickin' up what he's puttin' down! There have been a lot of comparisons drawn between his style and those of Ray Charles & Joe Cocker, which I think are warranted. I'd love to hear him sing I've Got a Woman or You Can Leave Your Hat On, either of which would leave us (at least the dames) feeling pretty weak in the knees.

Will: I'm thinking that Donny Osmond's Soldier of Love would be a brilliant choice for him. It's a great pop song that might actually allow Will to get down, get funky, and/or get loose. Also, Will might just look more like a teenaged Donny than Peter Brady. Also, this song is so far off the radar (see Carrie Underwood's choice of Could've Been from last season) that it could score him some major originality points. Will's voice is pleasant enough, but he's been uber-stiff in his last two performances. A little Donny might just be the WD-40 he needs.

Kevin: Warning! Red Alert! If there's a song out there called "On Thin Ice", Kevin should sing it because that's exactly where he is. I'm not sure that there's anything out there that Kevin could sing that will save him (based on the voting in Week 2). Now, girls ... don't get your knickers all in a bunch. I think that Kevin is a very sweet, affable kid. However, cute does not a singer make. I think that he should sing something that he can have fun with that he and the audience will really enjoy because I think that no matter WHAT he sings, it's going to be his last performance.

Ace: Ace, Ace, Ace. What to do with you? (Easy, ladies.) I have no idea what songs are available to the contestants [in terms of rights, etc.], but I think that Ace could do a lot with Cry Me A River (Justin Timberlake, for those of you who are my age+). It's got a lot more groove than anything he's yet sung, but it still shows off the dreamy, "let's talk about it over breakfast" quality that he's got.

Bucky: Though it's definitely his "niche", as the font of wisdom that IS Paula Abdul is wont to say, I think that Bucky needs to break himself out of the country comfort zone in Week 3. Sure, he's from Rockingham, so he's a good ol' boy and country music is probably a big part of his life, but if that's all he can do, then he's going to be gone faster than he can say, "Brenna" (Gesundheit!) So, it's been suggested that he sing something by Stone Temple Pilots, which I think is very interesting. Scott Weiland's range is in the same general area as Bucky's and his songs have a gravelly edge that would play to Bucky's strengths. My personal choice would be Big Empty (from The Crow soundtrack).

I realize that many (all?) of my picks are pretty random, but I'm sick and tired of hearing the same ol', same ol'. WOW me. Surprise me.

A Tribute To Brenna

Said a posturing faker named Brenna
Whose songs stunk like Sausage Vienna
"Shine on like zirconia
Bling, bling (I'm so phony-a)"
Never again haunt my *bleep-ing* antenna.

So, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. You try finding things that rhyme with Brenna. Good night, and good health!

The Cornflake & The Melon

So, let me get this straight. The moth who finds the cornflake always finds the melon? Hmmm. I always thought it was the other way around.

Whahubba???

Confucious say that Paula took an extra Vicodin today. While she generally spews forth with unintelligible drivel in her comments to the contestants, tonight she looked downright schnockered. She had that telltale ear-to-ear grin that people often get when they've sampled too much of the wacky weedus, if you know what I mean.

But enough about our favorite mushmouth.

The Group Performance: Can I just say how much I loathe the song Love the One You're With? Has anyone ever stopped to think about the sentiment behind this song? It's really quite poignant. If you can't be with the one you love, just love the one you're with. OK. "Honey ... I know you're away on business, but Ace stopped by to visit ..." UGH! As we explore the group performance even further, we see that Paris has opted for bike shorts and a sort of Flashdance-throwback top. Ouch. It seems that Lisa hit the Item of the Week sale at Old Navy, as she's been sporting tank tops in every color of the rainbow. Last week's performance of Take It Easy was way better.

Why We All Watched Tonight: I LOVE it when I'm right. Especially when it coincides with the demise of someone as utterly hateful as Brenna Gethers. I am feeling some deep-seated satisfaction right now. Not only did she get the heave-ho, she was the lowest vote-getter. But she didn't disappoint ... her exit speech exuded the same class as the rest of her appearances. That's right: NO class whatsoever. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Like the way you feel after having a nice, snarky cup of cocoa.

As for the others, no surprises there. Heather: you were no match for Mariah; David: stop trying to channel the Rat Pack for a while; Sway: unless you can set the world on fire, Stevie'll kill you every time. Bad choice.

So, I feel like shouting from the rooftops. I bid you all a wonderful night and leave you with these words of wisdom: the difference between a good performance and a bad one could be whether you decided to eat pizza or a salad.

Think about that.

On Second Thought ...

So, it seems that coffee is the great equalizer. It clears the mind and heightens the senses (I'll seek treatment for my obvious addiction to the java juice later). I must have been a little clouded following the ladies night debacle that even the slightest hints at brilliance positively wowed me. Thus, I must amend (just a little) my comments from last night.

First, I neglected to mention that, in addition to their insipid, colorless, not to mention threadbare performances, the girls make lousy cheerleaders. If they are going to make the decision to show solidarity and support the guys, then DO it. If you're not going to do it with any virve, then you may as well not do it at all. Every now and then, the camera would capture them [during a performance] looking like it was all they could do to stay awake. Melissa McGhee, in particular, looked like a dime-store mannequin standing there devoid of expression and making only half-hearted attempts to clap to the beat of the songs. Annoying.

Also, the judges need to stop blowing sunshine up Kevin's you-know-what. It's not like them to coddle someone this much. He's got an OK voice, I guess, but it's not anything special or even moderately distinctive. I think that he's gotten where he is by displaying guileless geeky charm (there's no questioning his "regular kid" appeal). But if they're going to tear Sway apart after what was a basically decent performance (definitely in the bottom three for me and he just pales in comparison to most of the other guys, but still OKAY), then they need to be consistent. Every season, the show features someone who goes further than they really should because the American Public feels their character has earned them the right. Case in point: Josh Gracin (a Marine in a show just after 9/11 ... VERY sympathetic), John Stevens, JPL, etc. This year, I'm sure this role will be filled by Kevin Covais.

Taylor Hicks Redux: I think I may have gotten a little over-excited about Taylor's performance last night. Don't get me wrong ... I really enjoyed it. But it was too, well, EASY (pun 100% intended). There are others who have correctly taken him to task for asking the audience to "Get Up". Don't do that. Also, there were far too many "whoos" interspersed in the performance ... it was almost like he had scripted where they should go. Now, I think this guy's the real deal, but if Paris Bennett has taught us anything, it's that even the best can't afford to get lazy. I think Taylor should sing Ray Charles' I Got A Woman or something by Joe Cocker (though his physically twitchy style might make this look like a parody). So, I still liked the song, but after further consideration, I felt it seemed too processed.

Elliott: Still loved it. But did you really need to point to your eye? That just smacks of the cheesy karaoke clubs from whence you came. You are better than that. How about hitting us with a little Jamiroquai next week?

The only other thing that I have to offer is that David's performance was even worse than I thought it was (which was already pretty bad). I still stick with my see ya' later predictions from my last two posts, which are:

Heather: 100% gonzo alonzo
Brenna: 85% (if we click our heels three times and think happy thoughts)*
David: 99.5% (he looked so deflated last night that he needs to be put of our misery)Sway: 100% Ciao, bello.

*(if Brenna is to be saved, it'll be because Kinnick just wasn't convincing enough as a cowgirl).

GAWD, I Love Men.

WOW! All I can say is HOLY CRAP! The guys totally responded to that soulless pile of moose dung that the girls offered up last night with some incredible performances! Under normal circumstances, I'd wait 'til morning to do my recap, but I want to see if I can actually channel some of my excitement. A note, however; there might be one major drawback to this post and it's a direct result of everyone (well, MOSTLY everyone) being so gosh darned good: there's nothing snarky to say! I HATE THAT! So, if I seem too nice, it's just that there's very little humor in excellence (but I'll try!)

First, I have some administrivia to take care of with the judges. Will someone PLEASE tell Paula to stop telling people that they are both unique AND different?!? Paula: in the dictionary under "redundant" it says, "see redundant". Also, she and Randy need to stifle it and let Simon talk. He may be pompous and arrogant, but he also happens to be right most of the time.

Taylor Hicks: Easy (The Commodores). In this instance, I have to give the judges a big, flying what-EVER. I thought he was great. I thought he looked great and that he dressed great, so big ups there. I think his voice is smooth and soul-try (a combo of soulful and sultry) and I just love him to pieces. Was this his best performance? Maybe not, but I don't think it deserved anywhere near the level of bashing it got. You'd have thought someone had hit all three of them [Randy, Paula & Simon] on the thumbs with hammers. He did a couple of cheesy things, but sheesh, people.

Elliott Yamin: Moody's Mood For Love (James Moody ... and countless others). So, I would be completely remiss if I didn't give Elliott credit for (A) losing the silly beard and (B) dressing VERY nicely. Some attentive EFT (that's Emergency Fashion Technician) clearly recognized the Fashion 911 situation at hand and administered appropriate treatment. ALSO, I must give him credit for naming the original recording artist of this song instead of Stevie Wonder or Queen Latifah or any one of the others who've recorded it. I thought this performance was fabulous. Elliott is everything that David Radford wishes he could be. It was smooth as glass. He is as safe as a kitten.

Ace Young: If I'm Not Made For You (Daniel Bedingfield). Right now, Ace, I'd be willing to bet that every female out there (and lots of guys, too) are screaming to let you know that you are, in fact, tailor-made for them. This wasn't as strong a vocal performance as we've seen from Ace, in fact, I liked Father Figure much better. HOWEVER, he was still pretty darned good and I think everyone's ready to hold him and tell him that everything's going to be OK.

Gedeon McKinney: Change is Gonna Come (Sam Cooke). OK. I am prepared, albeit begrudgingly, to say that I liked Gedeon's performance this week far more than that load of codswallop (I just wanted to say "codswallop") called Shout. I thought the performance was much better and I didn't quite expect him to tear off his face to reveal that he's really the Rev. Al Sharpton. That said, I still find him somewhat disturbing. I can't put my finger on it. When he smiles, he looks like Eddie Murphy [when he used to do the "Buckwheat" routine]. Freaky-deaky.

Kevin Covais: I Heard It Through the Grapevine (Marvin Gaye) So, when they teased that Kevin "Squish" Covais was going to sing some Marvin, I actually cringed a little. But, before I get to the song itself, how much did you LOVE his little film clip? I mean, how cute can you get? The little wink and the "Hey, ladies" remark was HIGH-larious. LOVED it! As for the performance, I think that I prepared myself well by keeping my expectations very, very low (ladies, this comes in very handy when dealing with men, in general). I thought the performance was goofy and cute and, while it was by NO means the best vocal of the night, I think that he's got all of the junior high school girls (and probably their moms) eating out of the palms of his tiny, sweaty hands. But please, would someone tell him to button his shirt a little? That's all I'm sayin. I don't ask for much.

Jose "Sway" Penala: Overjoyed (Stevie Wonder). Ahhh, yes. Sway. Another unsuspecting contestant falls victim to the power of Stevie. When will they ever learn?? So, the good thing is that at least Sway didn't pierce our already fragile constitutions with that falsetto again. The performance was a'ight. But I can't imagine any scenario in which "a'ight" is going to cut it with this batch of performances. If he'd been lumped in with the girls, he'd have had one of the best performances of the night (as we are all now painfully aware, they pretty much sucked scummy pond water through a rusty pipe last night). As it stands, however, this just isn't going to measure up to Chris, Taylor, Ace or even BUCKY, for gawd's sake. Sorry, Sway, we hardly knew ye, but as we are decidedly NOT overjoyed, too bad, so sad, BUH BYE.

Will Makar: Lady (Kenny Rogers). When I heard Seacrest say he was going to sing this, I had an absolute giggle fit. Will is 16 and Kenny is older than Methuselah (how's that for a vague reference?) Maybe they can share a rotisserie chicken. But I digress. First, I must "represent" for my girl Magistra when I say that (A) a 16-year-old white boy shouldn't talk about representin' anymore than a 35-year-old white chick ... it just doesn't work and (B) the fact that you're from Texas doesn't mean you have to sing country. There. I feel much better. So, the performance was OK. He stood there like that chick on Seinfeld who didn't ever move her arms, but he sang nicely, I guess. It wasn't a standout performance, but it was better than the worst two, so he should be safe and comfy in the warm embrace of the nation's teenaged girls. I need to see something next week, however, that shows me why the judges put him through. I think that if he doesn't "bring it", his luggage will be brough'en to him.

Bucky Covington: The Thunder Rolls (Garth Brooks). I have three words for you: PRE, FREAKIN & DICTABLE. The best thing I can say about Bucky is that he wants to have biscuits and sweet tea instead of going out for sushi (which I happen to love). Now THAT is representin' for the South! However, Garth Brooks? Hello?? Sure, the performance was OK and at least he enunciated this week. But come ON! Do something unexpected, for cryin out loud! I think his performance was good enough to get him through to next week, but he is on the proverbial bubble.

David Radford: The Way You Look Tonight (Frank) So, I am actually a huge fan of Frank Sinatra. Love him, love his music. HATED this performance. The little story about using the cellphone charger as a belt had a certain degree of whimsy, but David's performance was SO bad that no amount of cuteness (which he does have) can make up for it. When you sing Frank, you've gotta have some swagger. No swagger, no confidence, just terror. You could see it in his eyes. I don't think he ever got over being emotionally garrotted by the judges last week. I think (and I'm going to sound like a Simon rip-off, here) he sounded like a second-rate wedding singer (even Adam Sandler would've done better here!) Oh, David. You are a one-trick pony and that one trick just isn't that good. Arrivederci.

Chris Daughtry: Hemorrhage (Fuel) They absolutely saved the best for last tonight. Holy mother of GAWD! I don't even LIKE that song! I swear, and you can all go back and check on TiVo, but Paula's chest actually swelled after the performance. Seriously. Her cleavage was significantly deepened in her Wonder Woman-meets-Xena-Goes-To-Vegas getup. Anyway, that was worthy of some serious screaming thigh sweats. In case any of the women are paying attention, THAT is what the judges mean when they tell you to "bring it". WOW, WOW, WOW!

So, to sum up: the women suck. If they don't step it up, they don't stand a chance once the Final 12 are decided. Of tonight's performers, it seems pretty clear to me that Sway and David should be the ones to go this week. They just don't even come close to the rest of the guys.

UGH! Blech! The Girls Proudly Present: Snorefest 2006!

So, I've just gotten myself a "venti" Cinnamon Dolce Latte (it's the taste sensation that's sweeping the nation, you know) in the hopes that it will wash away the bad taste left in my mouth by last night's performances. Besides which, the caffiene will help to wake me up after such boring song choices.

What was UP with all of the tired old ballads?? Seriously ... every year the judges tell everyone to "bring it". If I hear one more Disney theme or schmaltzy Bette Midler song, I think that I may produce the "technicolor yawn" (you know ... "Drive the Buick", "Worship the Porcelain God" ... whatever euphemism you like). The best thing I can say about the show was that maybe ... just maybe ... Brenna performed (both in her song and in her obnoxious comments afterward) badly enough to get the axe. GAWD I hope so! Anyway, let's get to the nitty gritty ...

Katharine: Yeesh. Where to start?? After her performance of I'll Never Love This Way Again during Hollywood week and her show-stopping rendition of I Fell For You last week, I was ready to be knocked flat by Katharine this week. Well, I was ... just not in the way I was hoping for. She was as sharp as a tack (and when I say that I don't mean that she was smart) and I actually got that weird twinge in my butt (the same sort of thing you get when you go to the dentist and get a cavity drilled). I certainly don't think she's in any danger of being given the big "buh bye" on Thursday, but she's going to have to keep raising our expectations instead of falling so far short of them.

Lest I forget, who DRESSED her last night?!? Her outfit was just WRONG on so many levels. First of all, to be able to pull off those cigarette capris, you have to be positively rail thin, which, while she's by no means chunky, she is not. Also, that top made her look like she was 6 months pregnant. Glamour "don'ts" across the board.

Kinnick: So, the first thing that I should say is that I'm glad she put on a "younger" facade. While I never would have been able to look at the assortment of clothes that she wore [in a closet] and recognized that they could make an outfit, she somehow pulled it off and looked really cute (though I must say that she's got one heck of a "fivehead". You know ... more than a forehead?) But I digress. I'm Here for the Party was an OK choice of song, I guess. Not great vocally, but it was fun and probably enough to keep her around for at least another week.

Lisa: I thought her performance of Who's Loving You? was nice. Not great, not bad ... but NICE. She is capable of blowing the doors off of that studio and she should do it fast before people get bored with her. The pressure is officially ON, my lovely. Also, she, too, needs a fashion consult and in a hurry. The whole tank top/bustier thing was really bland.

Melissa: I think that she will be the third-lowest vote-getter, which will keep her safe on Thursday, but she should be really scared. Her performance of Why Haven't I Heard From You? was FINE, which is about the best I can say. Not great, but FINE. I'm getting pretty sick of people wanting to "represent" for the South by singing country songs. Why not represent (*raises the roof in an exceptionally white way*) by singing something WELL? Hmm? Too much to ask? Melissa suffers from "Jessica Sierra Syndrome". The symptoms are: (a) having a good singing voice and (b) being completely, totally and in all other ways FORGETTABLE.

Heather: The best that I can say is that she looked great. This, however, is like asking what someone looks like and being told that they have a great personality. So what? She may have a hell of a future as a Playmate, but America will give her the collective "HAND" on Thursday. As far as her choice to sing Hero is concerned, I think that can only be described as irretrievably stupid. While I'm not the biggest fan of Mariah Carey, I recognize that the woman's got some serious chops. To try and come even CLOSE to that (which Heather did NOT) is like committing musical suicide. Sorry, Heather, circle gets the square.

Brenna: This was my favorite performance of the night!! It was my favorite because it SUCKED as much as she does. It's been a long, long time since I've seen someone with such a bloated ego. Singing a Donna Summer song is almost as crrrrrrrazy as singing something by Mariah Carey, as she is the quintessential disco DIVA. Not only was Brenna's performance of Last Dance totally bargain-basement, but her attitude and comments afterward will propel her straight into the toilet. I'm positively giddy about it!! Woo-hoo! Ding, dong the *bitch* is dead ... Once she returns home, har family should give her one hell of a smackdown and teach her some humility.

Paris: ???????? I repeat: ???????? What was THAT?!?!? In all of songdom, the only song that might be more sappy and schmaltzy than Wind Beneath My Wings is That's What Friends Are For. This performance was -- by a mile -- the biggest disappointment of the night. Paris has shown that she can sing just about anything, so why in the name of all that is right and holy would she choose that? Blech, blech, blech and yet again BLECH. Sing something FUN. Sing something INTERESTING. 16 year-olds and Bette Midler simply do not mix. Also, the oufit was just plain silly. In all the outfits they showed in her little backstory, she looked cute. Last night, she looked as frumpy as the song she sang. Fitting, I guess, but BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

Ayla: So, I must preface this by saying that I haven't really warmed up to Ayla yet. I think that she seems pretty emotionless, as perfect people often do. That being said, I thought she did a really good job last night. I thought her performance of I Want You to Need Me was good. I think she's got a good voice, but she's just a charisma-free zone. Her performance aside, by the time she got on stage, I was already drowning in sappy ballads. ENOUGH, already! Sheesh!

Kellie: Our little Gherkin (yes, that's a sweet pickle) probably did enough to secure her spot for another week. However, she needs to STOP with the country songs or the comparisons to Carrie Underwood (which she cannot possibly live up to) will never stop. Something to Talk About was slightly less country than last week's choice, but still and all and stuff. Despite her "aw shucks" persona, she can only make so many smalltown girl references to "calamari" and the bushy nature of spinach salads before America tires of it. Also, I would be remiss if I didn't point out the hyper-calculated shaking of her head [during the song] which resulted in the sexy tousled hair look. And someone should tell her that, if her number in any given week is higher than 5, she shouldn't hold her microphone between her legs in order to hold up her fingers. It makes her look like she's gotta pee.

Mandisa: Et tu, Mandisa? WHY must everyone beat us over the heads with ballads? And not just ballads, but COUNTRY ballads, to boot. Mandisa, America's Reubenesque sweetheart, was the second person of the night to verbalize that she needed to "represent" for the South. I think that the South is fully represented and that the residents of that most charming region would be happier if y'all sang something GOOD. I think Cry was OK, and I think it was one of the better performances of the night, but being the least mediocre portion of a general snoozefest is a rather dubious disctinction. ALSO, she looked te-rri-ble. She's a beautiful woman and she needs to showcase her, ummm ... assets a little better. Those 'Omar the Tentmaker' dresses that big women often wear generally make them look even more robust than they are. C'mon girl ... you've got it, so flaunt it!

So, to sum up, the women were KILLING me last night. ENOUGH will the freakin' ballads, hmm? My picks to get the hand on Thursday night are Heather (100%) and Brenna. I am willing to concede that either Kinnick or Melissa could get voted off the island, but it is my sincere hope that Brenna gets put in her place. I'm a big fan of abject humiliation where it's deserved.
Let's hope the guys do better tonight. (Please GAWD, please!!!)

Boys Night Redux

So, last night, there were moments of greatness and moments of great SUCK! My short assessment is that we've seen the last of Bobby Bennett and either David "I'm No Harry Connick, Jr." Radford or Patrick "Why'd I Have to Go First??" Hall. I have had my requisite 2 cups of coffee and look forward to passing judgement and calling out the wannabes where I see them.

Let the games begin ...

(1) Patrick Hall. Yes, he's got a lovely voice. His performance of "If" was beautiful and, if he's lucky, people will remember that. It might be the only thing that saves him tonight. His unfortunate choice of "Come to My Window" was waaaaaa-hay-hay too much for him. His tone was OK, but it was really cheesily done. That may just be a product of being used to hearing an edgy, gravelly voice singing it. I think that Mr. Hall needs to do a lot of finger-crossing and should thank David Radford for sounding as ridiculous as he did. See below.

(2) David Radford. Where do I start??? You would think that they'd have learned after the John Stephens fiasco that this whole crooner thing just doesn't work. I'm sure it'll be very effective for Mr. Radford [when he's in college] in charming the pants (quite literally) off of co-eds. For now, however, the music industry already has a Harry Connick, Jr. soundalike. His name is HARRY CONNICK, JR. And we don't need TWO of him. One is quite enough, thanks. Before the peformances started last night, I would have bet that David Radford would be the teen idol to go forward, but I think that honor will go to Will Makar. My guess is that it's 85%-15% that Mr. Radford will be on his way home tonight.

(3) Bucky Covington. Predictable. I remember this guy when his name was Bo Bice. But at least then he could sing. Hmmmm ... grungy Southern rock type sings Lynrd Skynrd. How original! (YAWN.) Maybe next week he'll slip in a little Molly Hatchet! Hooooo doggie!! I'm sure he can do better but (A) he's not bright enough to remember the words to "I Can't Help Myself" and (B) I don't know if I can take a season full of his teeth (see Elliott Yamin). He seems like a nice boy, however, so he's got that whole good ol' boy thing going for him.

(4) Will Makar. Ahhhh, yes. The boy whose name is now plastered across the backs of notebooks of high school girls everywhere, as in, "Mrs. Will Makar" in various forms of curlicue writing (in each case, the "I" is dotted with either a heart or a flower.) He is adorable, no question, and I think he'll sail through. He actually has a decent voice and might have some real potential. I have absolutely nothing snarky to say about him. Pity.

(5) Sway Penala. BEST intro of the night. Yes, it was cheesy, but when Mr. Seacrest said, "Where there's a Will, there's a Sway", I laughed out loud. But I digress. I liked his performance. There were moments when I thought his falsetto was a little much, but I thought he did justice to what's a pretty challenging song. I think that he needs to lose the silly hat (the least he could have done was wear something other than WHITE ... I mean come ON! It's not even Memorial Day yet. Sheesh!) He should be solid as a rock tonight.

(6) Chris Daughtry. LOVE him! I mean, his facial hair is ridiculous, but I love his voice. He just has that certain ... something, doesn't he?? He also has a terrific sort of "come hither" quality that, while not as intense as Ace "Smoldering" Young, really melts my butter. I think that he'll be a solid member of the boys' contingent well into the final rounds.

(7) Kevin Covais. He's cute in a kind of "science fair" sort of way. I think that his voice is good enough to carry him a little farther, but I think he may be one of those ones who goes farther than he should (see John Stephens) because he's got protective mother hen types making sure he doesn't get his feelings hurt. I thought he did pretty well, but he'll need to do better to compete with Chris, Ace and Elliott.

(8) Gedeon McKinney. This guy is just plain weird. I mean, I think his voice is really good and he certainly sings with energy, feeling, etc., but is he channelling some 3rd rate Southern preacher when he talks? His speech pattern coupled with that "I'm Crazy Enough to Kill" smile of his make me really uncomfortable. He's got a terrific voice but could end up going earlier than he should simply because he's annoying.

(9) Elliott Yamin. WOW! I mean, WOW! I thought he was grrrrrrr-eat. I think he blew the doors off of that song and set himself up to be "the man to beat". People always think that singing Stevie Wonder is going to make them sail through, but everyone always chooses either "You Are The Sunshine of My Life" (see Brenna from Monday night) or "Ribbon in the Sky". Not only did he make an original choice, he sang the you-know-what out of it. HOW-EV-ERRRR ("and I'm not being rude") ... he needs a stylist STAT! He needs to ditch the George Clooney-circa-1995 haircut and the silly Amish-style beard. Let's send him a box of Whitestrips to start (shudders with fright). Appearance notwithstanding, he was awesome. Loved him.

(10) Bobby Bennett. Ouch. Need I say more? Oh ... right. Buh-bye.

(11) Ace Young. Ai papi!! You can be my father figure anytime! I thought my pants were going to burst into flames. Seriously. Hot, hot, hot and, yet again, HOT. And he can sing! Did I forget to mention that part??? I thought his song choice was terrific and I thought he sang it very well, to boot. He had every woman, and a great deal of men, I'd wager, that were watching the performance drooling all the way to their phones to vote again, and again, and again.

(12) Taylor Hicks. THAT guy is terrific! He is different from anyone Idol's ever had. I think he's great and don't mind his whole Joe Cocker twitchy thing. It's almost like he's channelling some other being while he's singing (pretty funny) and I love how psyched he is about the whole thing. I think he's great and I think he's going to be right in the hunt for a while.

So, here are my predictions for tonight. We will say tearful (*sniff*, *sniff*) goodbyes to: (1) Stevie Scott (2) Heather Cox (3) Bobby Bennett (4) David Radford (possibility for Patrick Hall).