Don't Be Cruel ... With Your Song Selections

I know that everyone goes on ad nauseum about the great music of the 1950s. There certainly is a lot of it, but I think that this theme is a bit, well ... lame. The judges are always going on and on about being current and marketable and singing songs that aren't too old. So they choose the freakin' 50s?? Please. However, what's done is done.

I think, gentle readers, that this theme holds the most promise for Taylor, but there are a couple of others who could pull rabbits out of hats.

Ace: I want this week's episode to be known as "How Ace Got His Groove Back". Ace has actually got some singing ability underneath that delicious exterior, but it's been a while since we've heard it. I was one of the few to enjoy his performance of Butterflies (falsetto and all), but he needs to recapture the greatness of Week 1, when he sang George Michael's Father Figure. Ace needs to play to his female contingent this week. Lucky for him, the 50s were all about making girls swoon. If he's feeling really bold, he could try Chances Are, by Johnny Mathis. I don't think he'd sing this as well as Elliott might, but I think he'd perform it better. Ace's voice is really no match for Johnny Mathis', but their styles are similar in a make-girls-turn-to-mush sort of way.

Aunt Flo's Song Choices for Ace the Face: Chances Are (Johnny Mathis), Venus (Frankie Avalon), Why Do Fools Fall In Love? (Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers) OR Cupid (Sam Cooke)

Taylor: Taylor's got some righteous moves and his performance style is ideally suited for music from this period. Tomorrow night, I want him to SWANG those hips and get down like we all know he can. I know that Ray Charles is kind of an obvious choice for him, but I think he could be greater than great singing a Ray Charles classic. Besides, God only knows what wa-ha-hacky themes Idol's got in store, so he should do a little Ray while he's got the chance.

Aunt Flo's Song Choices for Taylor: I Got A Woman (Ray Charles), That'll Be The Day (The Crickets), Twistin' The Night Away (Sam Cooke) OR Oh, Boy! (The Crickets)

Elliott: While watching Elliott perform is a little bland and boring, LISTENING to him is another thing altogether. Elliott's voice is smooth as silk (That's beautiful ... what is that? Velvet?!?) and it's tailor-made for the ballads of the 50s. I think we'd all been expecting greatness from our friend with the bowl cut on Stevie Wonder night, but were let down. Elliott has a solid chance to redeem himself if he makes the right choice. After hearing him sing Moody's Mood For Love, I know that he'd hit a home run with Orange-Colored Sky by Nat "King" Cole. I don't think for one second that he'll choose it, but I can still dream, right?

Aunt Flo's Song Choices for Elliott: Orange-Colored Sky (Nat "King" Cole), Chances Are (Johnny Mathis) OR Smoke Gets In Your Eyes (The Platters)

Mandisa: Simon has made no secret of the fact that his favorite song of all time is Unchained Melody. As a result, each season we are treated to a fantastic butchering of this classic. We know that someone is going to sing this song, but I think that there are only two (possibly three) people with the chops to pull it off. Of these, I would most like to hear Mandisa belt it out. I get chills just thinking of it (the good kind; not the "Kevin just sang Part-Time Lover" kind). If she decides to go with something more up-tempo, I'd love to hear her take a stab at something that's just ooooooozing with soul.

Aunt Flo's Song Choices for Mandisa: Unchained Melody (The Righteous Brothers) OR Ain't That A Shame (Fats Domino)

Katharine: Katharine's voice is rich, smooth and fantastic to listen to. All she needs to complete her package is a new stylist (READ: no more empire waists, Kat) Anyway, her voice is pure and sultry and would lend itself beautifully to a song by Rosemary Clooney. Katharine has sung her share of ballads, so I think she should amp it up a bit. What I'd really like to hear her sing is Mambo Italiano, but I'm a realist and (even though I am Italian--by marriage--and LOVE this song) know that people will see it as politically incorrect. Whatever. The point is that Rosemary Clooney has a songbook of such depth, character and sass that Katharine would kill with any number of her songs.

Aunt Flo's Song Choices for Katharine: Come On-A My House (Rosemary Clooney) OR Tenderly (Rosemary Clooney)

Paris: I think that Paris is at her best when she's sportin' some attitude (she certainly has plenty of it, I must say). Her performance last week was full of sass and she owned the stage. I think she'd do great with something unexpected like Chuck Berry or Elvis. No one ever expects the girls to sing songs that were recorded by men, or vice versa. I think she's got the confidence and groove to pull off any number of Elvis songs. But Paris, whatever you do, try and turn the attitude down a few notches once the performance is over, hmm?

Aunt Flo's Song Choices for Paris: Blue Suede Shoes (Elvis) or Johnny B. Goode (Chuck Berry)

Lisa: I can't get excited enough about Lisa to have much to say about her, which is sad. She has a nice voice and she seems like a nice girl from a nice family. She's nice. But "nice" is nothing to get all hot & bothered over. I think that with a bit of training and maturity that Lisa will blossom into a really good performer. She's certainly got a good voice on which to base all of that. But everything that she sings is just, sort of ... there. Right now, though, I think that all she needs is a satin sash and a tiara to complete her image, which just screams "pageant contestant" to me. There's no spark with her, nothing to get all revved up about. That said, she's got a good voice and a decent range, so she could do well this week.

Aunt Flo's Song Choices for Lisa: Why Do Fools Fall In Love? (Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers)

Kellie: For me, Kellie is about as welcome as a splinter under my fingernail. Yes, she's cute, but her blitzy donde bit is working my last nerve. I think that she can sing OK, but she's not great. To me, everything she does and says just seems so ... contrived, you know? Me thinks she doth "hick it up" a bit too much. Anyway, her voice is obviously suited better to country music and, while I don't really want to hear anymore of that, there are plenty of songs by Hank Williams that she could probably nail.

Aunt Flo's Song Choices for The Gherkin: Your Cheatin' Heart (Hank Williams, Sr.)

Bucky: Bucky needs to get himself out of the country mode and fast. I think he did much better than expected singing Superstition last week, but he needs to keep improving if he wants to continue in this competition. I know that he's a good ol' boy and that country music, NASCAR and Bucky go together like biscuits and gravy, but he's gotta show he can do something else. With 50s week, he should switch it up with a little rockabilly or really knock our socks off (then what would we wear to the sock hop?) with a little Elvis.

Aunt Flo's Song Choices for Bucky: Move It On Over (Hank Williams, Sr.), All Shook Up (Elvis Aaron Presley)

Chris: Chris is at his best when he's a-rockin'. I think that he needs to give a performance that doesn't shoehorn him into this Creed-like little box that he's nestled in so comfortably right now. I think that he's got more tricks than the one that we've seen over the past few weeks. Don't get me wrong ... I REALLY like that trick, but I'd like to see more from him. There are plenty of songs from the 50s that will give Chris the opportunity to rock around the clock without having to go all "Nickelback" on us.

Aunt Flo's Song Choices for Chris: Heartbreak Hotel (Elvis Aaron Presley), Long Tall Sally (Little Richard) or Johnny B. Goode (Chuck Berry)

Kevin: I'm not going to spend this paragraph ranting about Kevin's lack of talent. I got most of that out of my system over the weekend. We know that Kevin is a balladeer and I think this whole 50s thing might actually help him. If he chooses the right song, that is. Personally, I'm hoping that he chooses the WRONG song, but I've already said that I won't spew about that right now. I think it's a lock for him to sing Donna, by Ritchie Valens. It's a nice, steady, gooey love song that's age-appropriate and that would be good for his limited range.

Aunt Flo's Song Choices for SchmoCo: Donna (Ritchie Valens), (this is one of the aforementioned "wrong" song choices) Purple People Eater (Sheb Wooley), OR (if there is a God) The Chipmunk Song

As a Southern woman (well, my mom is, anyway), I have been trained to keep my expectations very low. This should come in handy for this week's show. I'm not going in to this with any overblown expectations like I had last week. That only led to heartache and the need for lots of Alka-Seltzer.

Here's to hoping that the Top 11 bring us some pleasant surprises (*plop, plop, fizz, fizz ...*)