Blame It On The Gherkin

WHOO!

It's 11:06 EST, do you know where your votes are? The show is over, the voting's well underway, I have a tall, yet sparkling, beverage and I'm ready to "gets to steppin'". THIS is American Idolatry.

I was delighted to see that Ryan had left the tie-tack in his jewelry box, but is it just me or did anyone else think that if you were to put some black, horn-rimmed glasses on him, he'd look like a science teacher circa 1958? But we're not here to talk about him, are we?

The stylists certainly seemed to sink their teeth right into our Top 12, didn't they? For some, it wasn't a moment too soon. But, I must say that for the MOST part, everyone looked pretty golldarned good!

My final random thought is that I was seriously disturbed by hearing 500+ people go "WHOOMP! WHOOMP! WHOOMP!" as Randy's collective Dawg Pound. I mean, I know he's doing his thang, yo, but ENOUGH already. Sheesh. We GET it. You're oh-so "with it". You're also oh-so Arsenio Hall circa 1988.

So, I thought tonight's show was FULL of surprises. I had said earlier that we'd see some greatness and some awfulness, and we certainly did. It's just that the greatness came from places that I hadn't expected. The scariness, however, came from EXACTLY the places I'd expected. Not a lot of "WHOO!", but my "Come On"-o-meter is pegged in the Red Zone.

Ace: Do I Do This is the song that I thought Elliott should have sung, but I was interested to hear that Ace had chosen it instead. And isn't it nice to see that Ace is so sensitive? Those tears should play to his female contingent. So, I'll give Ace a little credit because he had to go first. A little. OUCH. The first few notes of the song let you know that this was going to go badly. By the time he got to the snappy little syncopated part, I was just aching for it to end. Then he threw in a "come on" for good measure. Never a good sign. I was glad to see it end. Was he the worst of the night? NO. But it was still pretty bad. Off-key, pitchy, sharp ... whatever. NOT good.

**I have to give Randy some credit for not disappointing us. Right out of the blocks, he made sure he let us know that Stevie Wonder is one of the best singers in the KNOWN WORLD. Thanks for the update.**

Kellie: Blame It On The Gherkin (oops ... I mean "SUN") Well, she certainly looked lovely, didn't she? She looked a tad like a Barbie, but she looked good. And at least she was able to get her shoes on sale, so she's got that going for her, which is nice. Before I go shredding her, I will say that she was better than I THOUGHT she would be. She still wasn't good, but she wasn't as horrifying as I was expecting. Notwithstanding that, she was flat, boring and completely uninteresting. It was musical dreck. But we'll see her again next week (and the week after that ...)

Elliott: Knocks Me Off My Feet So yo, yo. This wouldnt have been MY first choice, but Elliott was still good. This performance wasn't nearly as good as it could've been, but he had the luxury of following The Gherkin, so anything would've been OK. I was unaware, but apparently, Elliott's got the "flava vibe" (all credit to Randy for pointing this out), which I would imagine is a good thing and not some kind of nervous condition. So anyway, for me, it was just a'ight. Good enough to keep him around, for sure, but just A'IGHT.

Mandisa: Don't You Worry About A Thing. For me, this was the biggest disappointment of the night. I had prepped myself to hear Mandisa blow the doors off of the theatre, but it was only OK. Her lower register was really off tonight and she sounded really shaky to me. I loved the fact that she hated her girlie shoes and that she had Ryan take them off. I'm not sure I needed to know that her ankles were moist, but I'll leave that one alone. Anyway, I thought she did well enough, but I think she could've done worlds better.

Bucky: Superstition. I knew that SOMEONE would sing this song and I wasn't surprised that it was Bucky. Didn't he just have some bouncin' and behavin' hair tonight, though? He looked just like a Breck girl! To me, it (the song, not his hair) sounded like everything else he's sung, except THIS time I was able to understand everything he was saying. I thought that this was the best he's been to date.

Melissa: Lately. I thought that this was the point where the show really got going. I was worried for Melissa when she said she'd been having trouble with her voice, but I thought she did GREAT. She had a couple of sharp notes, but I thought that she sang the song powerfully and with emotion that was completely believable. It was a BALLAD and I LIKED it! Who'd have thunk it?? I know that she messed up her lyrics a little, but most people didn't notice (or care), I'm sure. I think that she did what she needed to do tonight. Whatever happens, she should have no regrets.

Lisa: Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I'm Yours). Uh oh ... the "Come-On-O-Meter" is buzzing. Aww, Lisa ... don't do that. If you deliver a good performance, people WILL get up without any extra encouragement from you. Anyway, she was miles better than she's been since the Round of 24 began. She gave us too much "WHOO!", but I'm over it already. I'm glad that she opted not to sing a ballad tonight. I don't think I liked her as much as the judges seemed to, but I think she's back on the right track.

Kevin: Part-Time Lover. HA! I put this in my song selections list as a total goof! So, when did Kevin get hair? Are they giving the contestants some kind of super-vitamin or something? Anyway, I must give Kevin mad props for being the most self-assured, confident kid I've ever seen. And he certainly gives the show some comic relief. There's another show for that, though. It's called Last Comic Standing. This contest is for SIN-GING. That VOICE! OY! It is just PAINFUL! I'm glad that he did more than stand and look like a deer stuck in headlights, but was he actually doing pelvic thrusts?? OOH! My eyes are STILL burning! This sucked with more force than a black hole. He's still gonna get voted through, though.

Katharine: Until You Come Back To Me. The only bad thing I have to say is that Katharine needs to STOP with the empire waists. I don't know what the story was with that dress, but it looked like she lifted it from Carole Brady's closet. But I must give credit where credit is due. Katharine was in-freaking-credible tonight. LOVED her! She is a force to be reckoned with, for sure, and I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot more of her. Simon said it best tonight: "Katharine, you're good!" Nuff said.

Taylor: Living For The City. Loved IT! He is just Mr. Consistent, isn't he? No "WHOO!", just great, great performing. He is like a man POSSESSED. By what, I'm not sure, but I like it! And I was very happy to see that all that the stylists did to his hair was to COMB it. He looked good ... almost (dare I say) Clooney-esque? He deserves no SNARK whatsoever. LO-VING HIM!

Paris: All I Do. FINALLY! Where has she been hiding?? THIS was the Paris that we saw in the auditions. I thought she performed brilliantly (though I could've done with a little less of the head jiggle thing ... maybe I'm just bitter because I can't do that!) Really, my only problems with Paris' performance stem from her outfit. I liked the pink jacket, but that skirt was a giraffe's butt (you know: high anus?) and I don't know what was up with that pink laciness. How-EVER, I thought she sang great and performed great and that's really what it's all about, now, isn't it?

Chris: Higher Ground. I KNEW he would choose this! Was it predictable? Sure. Was it great? Yep! What was the story with those "road to nowhere" sideburns, though? I love that they gave his dome a clean, close shave and that they had him shave off the goatee, but those sideburns were ridiculous in the true sense of the word. Anyway, this performance was GREAT. I thought it was funny that the judges clearly haven't heard the Red Hot Chili Peppers' version of this song (which was, ironically, the only way that Chris knew it). They didn't know how he was going to put a rock edge on it. DUH! He'd already heard someone else do it! I give him credit, though, for not mimicking Anthony Keidis, which would've been pretty easy for him to do. GREAT!! Anyway, snaps to the judges for staying musically relevant.

After tonight's performances, it's really hard to say who might be leaving tomorrow. Going in, I think that Melissa and Bucky were skating on the thinnest ice. I think that's still probably true. Kevvie-poo's fan base is hell-bent on getting him into the next round, so he'll be back. I think that Bucky's got a healthy fan base that may keep him around (think about how many NASCAR fans there are; Bucky lives in what is their "Mecca"). I think Melissa's performance was really good tonight, but I fear that she might get sent home anyway. I hope I'm wrong.