I still think that tonight's theme was lame. Yeah, it was fine I guess, but the performances have little or no application in the real world, as Simon would say. The one exception to that might be Chris, but more on him later. There were a few standouts (some for the wrong reasons), but I'm glad to be through it and am ready to move on to whatever next week's silliness will bring.
Mandisa: I Don't Hurt Anymore (Dinah Washington) She's BAAAAA-ACK! WOW. To borrow a phrase from the Bank of Jackson, MandiNa (*ahem*) really worked it out tonight, dawg! (Get the names right, Randy.) First of all, M-Class LOOKED gorgeous. Great hair, great dress ... just great. You could tell she FELT great, too, which makes all the difference. As far as the substance of her performance is concerned, I mean ... WOW. I thought it was totally FABOO and easily her best performance since she did I'm Every Woman. Any worries for Mandisa? Gimme a break. And hey, if this whole singing career thing doesn't work out for her, apparently Simon thinks she's got one heck of a future as an exotic dancer.
Bucky: Oh, Boy! (Buddy Holly & The Crickets) Gee. Ummm ... well, his hair wasn't as fluffy this week, was it? Oh, boy is right. So, yo. The first problem for Bucky was that he had to follow Mandisa. Talk about being down with two out in the 9th, you know? Just a little pressure on the Buckster. And he just didn't rise to the occasion like I was hoping he might. There wasn't a lot of "oomph" to his vocals tonight and the performance really suffered because of it. He would've done better with an Elvis song to which he could've rocked. Too obvious? Maybe, but it would've worked better for him. Bucky stayed cool as a cucumber during his post-performance interview, but he's probably going to be part of the bottom three tomorrow.
Paris: Fever (Peggy Lee) HUZZAH! I thought that this was one of Paris' best performances. I don't know where that voice comes from, but gosh darn! The kid can SANG! Her performance was terrific; she connected with the song (how, I have no idea ... you shouldn't be able to do that when you're 17, but that's a topic for another post) and just commanded the stage. Her vocals were strong and passionate and I thought she was great. For me, that was one of the top three performances of the night. Oh, and I LOVED the finger waves in her hair; loved the dress ... everything. [I must note that I called to vote for Paris and it was VERY, VERY easy to get through. I called four or five times in a row and got right through every time. Interesting.]
Chris: I Walk the Line (Johnny Cash) Thank GOD they shaved off those dang fool sideburns. OK. When Chris said that he chose this song because Johnny Cash had written it to let his wife know he'd stay true, I guessed that he hasn't yet seen the movie Walk the Line. I understand there was probably some dramatic license there, but if the movie is to be believed, Mr. Cash did ANYTHING but "walk the line". But I'm not here to talk about that. While I don't think this was Chris' best performance, he scored MAJOR originality points by completely re-working this song. I thought it was terrific (who knew that Johnny Cash could be melodic??) I also loved that he did the whole "man in black goes modern" thing. I was sort of expecting Chris to fall short of expectations tonight, but I'm so glad he rose above them!
Katharine: Come Rain or Come Shine (Ella Fitzgerald)Well, the pregnancy rumor mill should be shut down after tonight, huh? That was about as slinky a dress as I've seen in a month of Sundays (but really, who wears that kind of dress on Sunday?) I thought that this was the first time that Katharine really connected with a song. For that reason, I loved the performance. Her voice was beautiful, but it wasn't her best VOCAL. I still think that this was one of her best performances, though. Sounded great, looked beautiful.
Taylor: Not Fade Away (Buddy Holly) What the ...? Did I slip into some sort of Bizarro Idol where Taylor Hicks actually put on a BORING performance? This was NOT Taylor's best night by a LOOOONG shot. I read an article that had said he was going to sing a Buddy Holly song because he's a huge fan. OK, so why in the name of Merry Christmas did he choose THAT? Now, go easy Soul Patrollers. I think Taylor is great ... I've loved him from the start. But I thought his performance was pretty golldarned BAD. The song had, like, two lines and one & a half notes. And I kept expecting the band to break into "Born to Hand Jive, baaaby!" Silly. He can do so much better than that. I am disappointed, to say the least. This shouldn't effect Taylor's standings, but get it together, man! Oh, and he needs to stop wearing pants that are that tight. I can tell what religion he is.
Lisa: Why Do Fools Fall In Love? (Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers) Well, this was the song that I had picked for her to sing and, folks, I'm here to apologize. I don't know what was going on with her tonight, but she just seemed really, really off. It was almost like her mic was goofed up or something. Whatever. I have one question about Lisa: who DRESSES her?? From the neck up, she looked cute as a button. Good hair, good makeup. But her outfit was S-I-L-L-Y. Seriously. Red CFM pumps with capris and a shrug? With an outfit like that, she'd do great on Hollywood Blvd. (Relax, folks ... I know Lisa is a nice girl.) I had predicted earlier that Lisa would likely be the one in the hot seat tomorrow and I didn't see anything tonight that changed my mind. I felt really bad for her because she looked like she was doing all she could not to cry, but thems the breaks, you know?
Kevin: When I Fall In Love (Nat "King" Cole) I hate it when they sit. I don't know why it irks me so much, but it does. I know that it's hard to sing while you're sitting down, but it's just UBER chee-z. And why in the heck did he keep his hand in his pocket for the WHOLE song? Little things like that annoy the crap out of me. Anyway, my question about Kevin goes a little like this: "WHY?? WHY, God, WHY is he here? WHY did you allow him to make that sappy 'I hope I fall in love one day' speech?? Oh, the humanity!" Obvioulsy, I did NOT call to see how hard/easy it was to get through on Kevin's line, but I would imagine that his little b-roll will have the kiddies voting in DROVES. So, I'm sorry to say it, but I can't see any way that he'll be outta there tomorrow. And if I'm being honest, he was loads better than anyone expected him to be. Certainly better than Lisa, and that's the truth.
Elliott: Teach Me Tonight (Brenda Lee) I never thought I'd be in favor of chin pubes, but I really liked Elliott's goatee tonight! I think it really helped his overall look, which was VASTLY improved this week. Also improved this week were Elliott's vocals! Yay! I was pretty disappointed last week, so I'm delighted that Elliott "did his thang, yo". I thought he was great, but for one shining detail. Why does he INSIST on "miming" his lyrics? Where's that star, Elliott? Ohhh ... in the SKY. Great. We've got it now. At least there were no "eye" or "tear" references in his song this week.
Kellie: Walkin' After Midnight (Patsy Cline)So, I actually thought The Gherkin made a monstrous improvement over last week, at least vocally. I'm glad that she had the foresight NOT to sing Crazy, as I think it'd be hard to hear anyone other than Patsy Cline (or Willie Nelson) singing it. I'm sure that she's safe as gold in Ft. Knox as far as the voting's concerned. I have to ask something, though. Was it just me, or did she seem completely detached tonight? She had some kind of nasty "I don't want to be here" look on her face when she first came out onto the stage and, during her performance, she just had that dead, thousand-yard stare like she was remembering a bad experience in 'Nam or something. Did she eat some bad calamari? What the heck was the matter with her? Maybe she was disturbed by the kewpie doll makeup that was plastered all over her face. She was really bringin' me over, man.
Ace: In The Still of the Night (The 5 Satins) Yaaaaaay, Ace! I was a little nervous when I heard him announce that he was going to sing this song. Even Big Barry was a little a-scared. But The Notorious A.C.E. did everything he needed to do tonight and THEN some. I was really pulling for Ace, I must say and I'm glad, because he gave a terrific performance. It wasn't the best performance of the night, but I'd put it in the Top 5, for sure. It's important to note that I called to vote for Ace and it was pretty hard to get through. Lots of busy signals. Definitely a good sign for the Crowned Prince of MMMMMMM.
Here's a final smattering of randomness before I ride off into the sunset.
- Before the end of the season, I want Simon to begin one of his critiques with "Paula, you ignorant slut ..." a la Dan Aykroyd. That would make my day! She needs to pipe down and give the man a chance to get a word in edgewise.
- I think that Kevin actually looks a lot more like Frank Perdue than Chicken Little (which can't be good for him).
- And I think that our bottom three tomorrow will be: Lisa, Bucky and ... Paris (because Kevin's not going anywhere, folks). After all is said and done, I think that Lisa will be on her way back to The Lion King and the creature comforts of Suburbia.
This has been American Idolatry for the week of March 22, 2006. In the immortal words of Vince Fontaine, "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's what you do with your dancin' shoes." (Does that sound about right, Paula?)
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